Her Inspiration

From Devastation to Creation.

It’s rare to come across someone who can have such strength, determination and talent to take a devastating life moment and use that experience to create something wonderful and inspirational.

Clare-Lucy was born in Cornwall; raised in Wakefield; educated in Durham and settled in Harrogate, where she is raising her children with her husband and dog. Tragically, in 2018, she suffered the trauma and loss of a miscarriage.

“Miscarriage effects one in four pregnancies.” (Miscarriage Association) “Everyone reacts individually to pregnancy loss and there is no ‘right’ way to feel.” Some people share stories, listen to others, take up a new hobby, find comfort with certain objects or in a certain place. Others run marathons and do sponsored walks, to raise money and awareness. Clare-Lucy has written a musical.

Eleven of the songs from her musical will be released on her debut album on Monday 8th November 2021. The album “Dear Friend, Who am I” chronicles her journey through love, loss, life and onward to hope.
Reflect says, “There are no simple answers to grief; it is a journey to a new way of living, and how you look after yourself is different for everyone.”

This was Clare-Lucy’s journey: “When they told me, at the 12-week scan, that my baby had no heartbeat, that I had miscarried, I felt nothing. Maybe I shrunk, or maybe the world got bigger, but I felt I was suddenly a little boat on a vast, ink-black ocean. The water raging around me, was life going on; because, of course, life did go on. Decisions had to be made, questions had to be asked, explanations had to be given. But all I could do was curl up at the bottom of my little boat, not sure if I wanted to make it through the darkest of nights.”

Because the physical process of miscarriage had not yet happened, Clare-Lucy’s miscarriage had to be managed, which meant choosing which procedure to undergo. “All management methods have upsetting or frightening aspects and all mean the final loss of their baby,” explains the Miscarriage Association website.

“The staff at Harrogate Hospital were so good,” says Clare-Lucy. “They were supportive and explained every step for me. Unfortunately, my body didn’t react quite as efficiently to the procedures as expected, and with every visit to the hospital, with every scan, I felt more and more detached from my body. It was like my little boat was drifting in the vast inky blackness, with no anchor.

Reflect’s website states that a “…sense of isolation and loss are common and may leave you feeling ‘out of step’ with events.”

“Maybe I chose not to feel anything, maybe I was like a child covering their eyes with their hands, and saying the world isn’t there because they can’t see it. I curled up in my little boat and told myself if I couldn’t feel my loss, it hadn’t happened. But I couldn’t stop myself writing. I wrote messages, letters, stories and poems. I wrote because I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t explain, I couldn’t understand. I wrote everything and nothing.”

“Grief is a personal and unique emotion and so are the ways that people find to feel better.” (Reflect) “Writing is how I coped with those months of trauma.” But despite, writing over thirty poems and several short stories, Clare-Lucy never showed her work to anyone else. She buried it, along with her feelings, until now.

Whilst going through the trauma of the physical miscarriage, Clare-Lucy still carried on living every day. She took her other children to school, took them on holiday, went to the park, playground, and the shops. She bought things, and organised things, volunteered, went to work, she took the dog for walks and watched TV. “Whilst my mind and thoughts drifted in darkness, and my feelings were buried like a corpse, my body was going through the motions of everyday life, as if nothing had happened. It was my greatest performance, my greatest pretence,” admits Clare-Lucy, “Not just to others, but to myself.”

Finally, when the physical process of miscarriage was over, Clare-Lucy thought she could get on, with her life. She made a new friend, which brought some light to the darkness. “When you’ve been ill for so long you don’t know, your unwell until you get a bit better. Suddenly, in the vast inky blackness I saw a flicker of light, like a star, when someone made me laugh again. As soon as I found one friend, I found another, and another. It was like the clouds had cleared.”
But her experiences had changed Clare-Lucy, and she still felt “out of step” with the world. “I tried to share my writing or talk about my experiences, with my friends old and new, but I struggled to explain. I could see they were there for me, twinkling at me, but like stars they were distant and remote, and I was never sure they could hear me, or really understood, how lost I felt and that I needed help. This is when I realised, I needed professional help.”

Clare-Lucy had drifted unplanned and without feeling for a whole year, before she accepted that she wasn’t suddenly going to feel better one day; to find land again, to find herself again. “I was broken physically and mentally, and I needed to do something about it, not just for me but for my family.”

Fortunately, when she did ask for help, her GP was there, and put her in contact with a local counselling charity called Reflect, that specialises in pregnancy loss. “I thought a counsellor would be like another star and would light my way back home, but instead, she turned out to be an expert guide, sailing a rescue boat next to mine, showing me how to go onward toward the dawn. She told me that there was light ahead, that there was hope. She had sailed these seas before, and seen many others reach a new day. She listened to all my writings and encouraged me to write more.”
Clare-Lucy attended weekly counselling sessions over several months, where her counsellor encouraged her to bring a poem or illustration, to each session to discuss. Clare-Lucy’s was a creative journey, which worked for her. After listening to her poems, the counsellor knew that if and when Clare-Lucy felt ready to publish her writings, they would be so useful to so many who often struggle to find the words to express their grief and tell others about it.
Unfortunately, another storm hit, this time a world-wide pandemic, and her guide had to leave off before Clare-Lucy reached the end of her journey. “COVID was hard, but at least I was left with the belief, that I would reach the dawn and I could find my way through; from devastation to creation.”

Onward to Dawn – Mentoring

During the first lockdown, in March 2020, Clare-Lucy turned half her poems into songs and her stories into a script. She also made contact with Jim Lunt, a professional Musical Director/Composer and Musical Arranger, who works regularly with several Harrogate theatre groups, Theatre Royal Wakefield and darts (Doncaster Arts).
“Because of COVID Jim, had some time on his hands, and offered to arrange the music for my songs. I would send him hand-written notations of my songs, and an audio, of what I thought it should sound like (I don’t think these always matched up). Then Jim would return to me a computerised score of my melody and lyrics, and a beautiful orchestration of my music. We would then have zoom discussions to finalise the songs.”
After successfully creating three songs with Jim, Clare-Lucy started to form a new plan to write a musical: about love and loss and life.

Unfortunately, as always in the real world, money became an issue, and for a time Clare-Lucy had to accept that she wouldn’t financially be able to reach her ambitious goal. But then, whilst helping out a local theatre group, she came across the Arts Council of England Wales Developing Your Creative Practice fund. In November 2020 she applied for the grant with the help of a recommendation from Christine Castle (NODA North-East Representative) who was “amazed at the level of lovely music and lyrics [Clare-Lucy had] produced,” and the offer of support from Barbara Henderson (Lecturer at Newcastle University). Four days before Christmas 2020, Clare-Lucy received the email saying her application had been successful.

“It was the best early Christmas present, and when I received the grant in January 2021, it gave me not only the financial boost I needed, but also a feeling of legitimacy, that my work was of value, and of responsibility, to not waste this opportunity for which so many had applied.”
This application also meant that when the next storm hit, Clare-Lucy was ready, and despite sailing in the fog of a third lockdown, worried she wouldn’t have the time or motivation to bring her songs to life, Clare-Lucy had a plan.
“As part of my application to the Arts Council, I had to provide a detailed timeline of what I would do with the grant and when. This timeline became like a treasure map. I knew my course, my bearings, and no matter the storm or the sea monsters, I would steer a true course to the treasured dawn.”

Clare-Lucy had many expert guides to call upon. Jim Lunt continued to arrange her music but also provided formal mentoring sessions over zoom, to develop the musical side of her song writing.
Jim explains, that Clare-Lucy approached him in 2020 to come on board to refine and orchestrate her songs. “Over the next nine months we worked collaboratively to piece together a collection of contrasting tracks that reflects her emotional journey through tears, anger, joy and laughter.”
She also made contact with Janet Wood; a professional singer/songwriter who works with community arts in

Doncaster, and who provided several lyrical mentoring sessions over zoom.
“Mentoring Clare was a really positive experience,” says Janet Wood “She came with a very clear idea of what she wanted to cover and a determination to learn and hone her song writing skills, but she was also very open to trying new ways of working and was a joy to work with. Her musical is a moving and ultimately uplifting piece of work and it has been an honour to play a small part in its creation.”

As part of her development project, Clare-Lucy also had two zoom sessions with a script editor Inga Sempel (OCA Tutor in Scriptwriting) to discuss the script for the musical that the songs would be sung in. “Inga’s report on my script very kindly ripped my first version apart for me, she said that “although it was a tragedy, it wasn’t a drama.” But she went to explain how to create the drama I needed. This was the first moment Clare-Lucy realised she was in the big leagues, and even with her treasure map it was not going to be easy sailing. “It was hard work; it was intense and it was a very steep learning curve. I’m now on version three of my script, which Inga described as having “the potential to become a truly unique and compelling show”.

Once her songs were written the work didn’t end there. Clare-Lucy then has to find a recording studio, which would produce the best sound for her songs. She spoke to many different studios, until getting in touch with Kate Isaac from Legal Records. “From my first email with Kate, I had a good feeling. Her previous work was with acoustic artists, jazz players and choirs, which meant she would appreciate the nuance of musical theatre songs. Her studio Legal Records was based in a converted farmhouse in the Yorkshire countryside, which appealed to me far more than a warehouse on an industrial estate. Kate was another amazing professional, who never rushed me and was so patient and wanted above all to get the recording to sound right.

“Clare-Lucy is a wordsmith, and I wanted her words to be heard,” says Kate. “I could connect with what her songs were saying, and I know other people will too.”

The recording took place over three days with Kate, Jim, Alison, Clare-Lucy and two local singers Daniel Stanford and Lucy Thackwray. “I met Lucy and Dan, when I joined HOPS theatre group nearly three years ago.” HOPS is putting on Kinky Boots at Harrogate Theatre 1-5th February 2022.

Clare-Lucy had been part of musical theatre, one way or another, all her life, but this project was taking her knowledge and skill set to another level. This became most evident when working with pro-singer Alison George. “Hearing Alison work was both awe inspiring and humbling. It was then, I realised, I was a very small boat in a very professional ocean. But I also felt, and still feel, so grateful that she agreed to work with me, encouraged me and has supported me through this journey; including giving me several singing lessons over zoom before the recording.

“I have loved working with Clare on her debut musical album. It was amazing to be able to give a voice to her wonderful lyrics and melodies, and create such a genuine character in Mara.” Alison explains about Clare-Lucy’s songs and ultimately her, “musical takes us on a journey from loss, through pain and despair, and helps us find solace and resolution, all through Mara’s eyes.” Mara is the lead character in Clare-Lucy’s musical. “The subject matter is very close to my heart and it is so important for people to share their experiences, talk and learn from one another.
Clare-Lucy was “incredibly generous in her working ethos and we were able to throw ideas forward during the workshopping process,” says Alison George. “The songs are heartfelt, insightful and authentic.”

Although, the recording sessions at Legal Records, were finished just before summer 2021, there was still lots to do. Kate had to edit the recordings, Russ Hepworth-Sawyer (Motto Sound) had to master them, and Clare-Lucy had to report to the Arts Council, set up her marketing campaign, research copyright law and working out the best way to release her songs.

“All of these things involved, more research, more time away from my family, late nights, missed events, spending more of my own money and quite a lot of stress; that after all this planning and work I still wouldn’t reach the dawn.”
But with her eyes on the horizon Clare-Lucy followed her map all the way to X-marks the spot and set herself a date.
Clare-Lucy’s debut and concept album – Dear Friend, Who am I – will be released on Monday 8th November 2021, on the same day, she is having a Launch Party (@Fashion House Bistro, Harrogate 5.30pm – 9pm), to celebrate a year of creativity, the successful navigation through many storms, and to mark the start of her next great adventure. This is an event not to be missed! All are welcome to attend, your chance to meet this talented and inspirational woman and join her on her journey.

“I look at the horizon now and I see light, I know the dawn is ahead, where I will land my little boat.”
Jim Lunt explains, “The true test of a musical theatre song is how well it works as a stand alone composition. Each piece, through honest lyrics and haunting melodies strikes a different chord on her road to acceptance. She is a brave and cutting-edge composer, unafraid to share her experience that will help and resonate with so many.”

“My baby was due on November 8th 2018. On this day I ran away to the sea and wrote some poems. On what would have been her 1st birthday, I had started counselling. On what would have been her 2nd birthday I applied for the Arts Council Grant, and now, dear friends, on what would have been her 3rd birthday I release to you, my songs, about her, my little girl I never met but miss all the same.

Mara: “But what will the world make of her?”

Lin: “What will the world make of any of us? We can hide away, curled up in a little boat, always drifting and never find out. Or we can sail our boats, we can make our choice to live in the world, and make the world our own.”

(From the script of Arabella Version 1)