Gabriel is angry.
He’s angry at Molly and at the Unmoved Master, and at himself for feeling anything.
Yes, anger is much easier to deal with than these ridiculous mortal emotions invading his light.
It’d been so much easier being self-absorbed and only concerned with how he looked. Existence had been good, but then the Red Tape had erupted, and he’d made choices and things had changed and it was his fault.
Stomping into the office, Gabriel is faced with his adoring fans and Management, ready to deliver him into exile. Posing, he smiles like normal and thinks that at least the pretty face is good for something. No one bothers to speak to him because of course he can’t make conversation; he’s only good at delivering other people’s words.
Realising Molly is the only one not looking at him, Gabriel feels his outer light quiver, like a tremor before a volcano. It threatens to destroy his display of indifference. Focusing on management, Gabriel tries to listen, but his eyes keep flicking back to the hunched figure. The only one working.
He’s about to be contaminated and she’s busy counting beads.
Then the words break through, “…bravery…sacrifice…” says Management in that pompous voice. Stifling a laugh, Gabriel realises that he wasn’t being brave, and he’d never been brave.
He’d left with the Defenders, because he was terrified of what he’d done; the message he’d delivered, the consequences it’d wrought. He’d told Molly that it was her fault Lucy had Fallen, but it wasn’t it was his and he’d been too much of a coward to admit it.
Even now, accepting contamination isn’t about being brave, he thinks, but about fixing the mess he made. He doesn’t feel brave. He feels the light at his centre being smothered by doubt and his legs weak with fear.
If only Molly would look at him, he’d be able to get through this. If he only knew she understood.
The hiss of the chamber doors opening, sounds like a snake. Turning Gabriel, maintains his shining glory and steps over the threshold. The doors hiss shut, and red light illuminates the faces of the crowd. Their smiling faces now look like demonic grins, jeering at him.
No longer able to see even Molly’s hunched figure, Gabriel’s light dims a little more.
Sighing, he braces his wings, ready for anything, and reaches to press the red button. Just as his long fingers brush the surface, a brilliant, golden glow overwhelms the red flashing lights. Looking up, Gabriel sees Molly hovering above everyone.
His own light brightens in response, and another feeling overwhelms the anger and hate and fear at his centre. It swells like a balloon filling with air and rising above all the pettiness.
Her thin, pink lips move. “Stay” she whispers.
Shaking his head, he feels something sting his eyes. He can’t.
She nods, maybe she does understand or at least accepts it. Mouthing three words back to her, he presses the Contamination button.